Impatient Little Sheep

For the pass few days, it seems as though the Lord has been testing my patience. Either that or the enemy is poking me with a stick, waiting for me to self-destruct or something. Whatever it is, I am very much surprise by my reaction towards some of the things that has happened. Well, some of it.

I admit, most of the times I am not very patient. I get agitated easily, and I end up sulking and phase into emo mood for the silliest reasons. Ok, that was and still is very stupid of me. But hey, day by day I learn, and I am growing, trying to be a better person, be more Christlike. So for the past few days, I have been quite patient. Surprisingly, but of course this is not by my own might, but by His grace and spirit that I am able to retain myself from exploding.

I never really adressed this issue until this afternoon while I stood in the LCCT waiting for the Air Asia counter to open as I watched everyone hustle by. It was annoying that the counter was still closed while the others with a much later flight were opened. Plus my shoulders were aching from carrying my heavy backpack with my laptop and a few books inside. And not to mention the fact that my legs were still a little sore from skating yesterday. So yeah, irritation started to set in. But before I allowed myself to get angry at the entire situation, I took a step back and thanked God for everything. For journey's mercy from KL Central to LCCT, for the LCCT itself, and other stuff. By the time I looked up, I realised that the counter had been opened for a few minutes now. Teehee

My patience was once again tested when we were about to board the plane. Yes yes, priority goes to the rich people that paid extra for express boarding. But why la the normal queue takes such a loooooooooong time to process even though there are three Air Asia employees working at the front?? Plus, I stress again, my heavy backpack.

Fuhh the night before, Suria and I had to wait a long time for unrapid kl to reach Sunway and it was already getting quite late and I was dead tired and I have not even packed yet and ARGH!! Ok last night I got impatient a bit. So I complained.
Nothing wrong with complaining right? Hmm think again. That impatient feeling put the weight of the world on my chest and suddenly everything seemed wrong. I just felt like blaming everything and everyone for the situation I was in. It was not a nice feeling. I just felt really crappy and blegh...

I do not like that negative feeling, that evil little emotion set by the enemy. Not one bit. How do I counter it? Prayer people, by prayer. So anyway, back to the loooong queue airport incident, yes yes yes I was starting to feel that evil thing setting in again. Need I stress again about my heavy backpack? Lolz so before I allowed my impatience to consume me, in my heart I said a little prayer. I thanked Him again for where I am and for protection, and I asked Him to strengthen me and with His spirit help me to be patient and to remove all surpressing emotions that I was feeling at that time.

God is good I tell you. Before long, the queue was cut short and and AND, I got the window seat :p

Another surprising moment for me was when I arrived home last night, opened my room door, and before I turned on the lights, I realised that I had stepped into something wet. Crap, my room got flooded abit due to my own oblivion to close the room window earlier on in the day, and it rained cats and dogs that evening, so yeah. Flood...
Analysing the situation here: I just got back from a long day, I was dead tired, it was already 11something pm, I have not packed my clothes yet, I have not arranged my notes yet, I have not showered yet, I was still indecisive as to what to bring back to Kuching, and to add to the stress, now I had to spend my precious time in cleaning up the mess?!?!?!?! Like what the french connection united kingdom heck, I was soooo not in the mood for that.

It was always times like this where I would get very very very impatient and be very bitchy and pissy. Surprisingly though, praise God, I cleaned up the mess without any sort of anger or negative emotions. God gave me patience and strength to overcome that feeling. Imagine if I acted according to my emotions that time. Suria could have been hurt by me yelling at her for something that was not her fault, and I could have hurt and offended Vincent, Jason, Alep and Kautsar whom I was texting at that time by telling them to leave me alone and stop SMS-ing me at that moment.

Patience is a virtue. A virtue that I am struggling with. His word says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" Gal 5.22-23a (emphasis added).

I have to learn to be patient. Many times I have fallen all because I allowed my impatience to swallow me, and I end up hurting not only myself and my relationship with God (by sinning), but I also hurt others who suffered the "wrath" of my impatience. Hmm come to think about it, many times this emotion led me to being self-centred and harsh. Not very nice now, is it?

There were a few times when I came close to entertaining such emotions. There was once this lady overtook me and cut my queue, and on the inside, I was like, "Well! Ex-ke-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me bitc--" but before I even completed that sentence, something inside of me went, "Ah-ahem!!!! What was it that you were going to say???" Oops hehe
I learn from the pastor in SIB KL that instead of complaining about things, just THANK GOD for whatever it is!! Kind of a "glass is half full and not half empty" situation here.

Change is one thing that everyone wants to go through. Change to be a much better person. I have tried that years ago, but it was only when I seeked God's help to change and allowed His spirit to work in me that I really did change for the better. So regarding my impatience, since it has proven to be destructive to me, I shall change! Obviously it would not be the easiest thing in the world, but is it not written that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength? Hehe

So yeah, as time goes by, through trials and tribulation, that is how He is moulding me. Slowly He is showing me all my flaws. Like refining gold, you need to put it through grinding and intense heat for the impurities to rise to the surface. Just like you and I, through every rough situation, our flaws and weaknesses are reveal so that we can work on them and realise our mistakes, repent on them and allow God to work in us.

Whoa this is one long God-inspired post. Having written all this looong and winding words and sentences, I have to admit, I am happy XD

God bless